How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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