We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
