yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
