You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
