I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
