Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
