Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
