I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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