Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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