I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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