I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
