all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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