only you would photoshop your dick
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
