I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
