So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
