You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
