Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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