Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
