everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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