Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
