I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
