i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
