yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was CRYING into my vagina
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
