My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
