I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
