you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
