tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
