I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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