But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize