i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize