My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize