Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize