you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
