You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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