She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize