I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
