I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
