I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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