Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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