How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Two words: nipple clamps
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