just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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