fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
