He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
