So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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