Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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