what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
