If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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