god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
