make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
