I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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