Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
