You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
4 words: hood of his car
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
