If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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