Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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