Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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