You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
