WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
