Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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