took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
