Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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