textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
